Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Saw a book yesterday.

Saw Doris Lessing's book. Doris Lessing, Nobel Prize for Literature winner. Buy me it. Title: The Cleft.

*Albert to Albert. Or to anyone of you reading this, from Albert.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Move on...

...and try to forget.

Why don't you, Albert?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Studying with my coffee.

my mind has died.

but the brain parenchyma is trying to live.

for instance, studying for thera ex. hmm. the concepts are to blame. and there's heavy memorization for the normal student that i am. but only trying to be noble and average, i am studying. the best part of the ordeal is the part where i died and left my head guts smeared onto the notes i made. the brain's there, but something is missing.

of course, i was trying to put my heart to it too, but cardiac muscle is resilient. but i managed anyway, and there they were, heart and brain, onto the studying part. but there is no more than words that come to me. the notes and the manual bring only words and there isnt much sense going on in my head. only, merely semantics i was studying. might as well memorize all words and recite it to myself whilst taking the exam and make sense of all of it there.

i have had my morning coffee, and too much i've taken. and now im talking about coffee like it was some drug. but for this morning, it really was. the two mugs of coffee really were, i mean. two mugs of brewed coffee. as previously described with much flamboyance in the language, "liquid velvet" i poured/gulped into my throat. and now my feet and hands are numb and tingling. and i was lethargic the whole day til about 6pm. havent done any reading properly. and the situation concerning how i am not able to comprehend my notes, coffee is to blame. those maybe six or seven cups of coffee. but i could have another one.

sh*t i was so lethargic i had to blast myself. blast my ears, i mean, with the loudest beats [i really mean just beats, not much vocals, because the The Prodigy is just a bunch of machine wielding guys, i think.] i have in my phone. and then i had to calm myself down with Amy winehouse and daniel merriweather. then i went down to watch tv. meh. lame.

anyway. coffee is something i love but makes me weak. =(

Monday, December 7, 2009

let me talk about the saturday...was it saturday?

was it saturday?

i remember- yes it was.

now the toastmasters, a public speaking org, was invited to the crs for some sort of a visit/training/torturous and sweat-busting act for us students to [maybe] enjoy. but there were very few who came, which was only a little bit sad, and i'l tell later why it was turned out to be good [i can hear you guessing, so i guess i'll have to spill: few attendees = few audience].

primary purpose for their visit, half-guessing it was just a coincidence, was so the MMRS [mr and ms rehab sci] candidates would get some bit of baptism of fire on how to get their way on stage and put their ideas across a crowd, a seated row of people of approximately 12 then, and get the nerves out of their systems, along with us very fortunate to have been there, but unfortunate to have been self-diagnosed with stage-fright, especially myself.

speaking in public has always been a plague of unmerciful proportions for me, and the warpath isnt about to get conquered: i was sputtering with more awkward "ah"s than usual, and the silences are mile-long gaps apart, threatening to deduce my then-mumbo jumbo to some silent fizzing-pop, then i'd be called to go back to my seat. i had feared the worst- than no one within the 12 people plus the toastmaster people themselves would make sense of my weirder than morse code noise-making. it was the most disastrous that couldve happened. whew, good thing it didnt. but still, it was worse. joann counted at least 50 ah's from my two minute or so, albeit gap-filled, speech-like mumbling about what do i prefer between reading a book or watching its cinema version instead. of course i would always choose the book over the movie. or any movie for that matter. but i said that sometimes, or most times, i am pressed for time, and it'd be alright to watch the movie. example i put forward was the harry potter movie. the books not really good. but the movie was dark and satisfying. i cared nothing about the movie not following much of the book. if it were the crime and punishment, the dostoevsky book, movie that shows, i wouldnt see it. not yet, i have to finish the book first. or if it were inglourious basterds, i wouldnt watch it yet on [fake] dvd. tarantino's magic would be spoiled on a fake dvd.

anyway. back to sweating tub-fulls due to extemporaneous speaking, the recap.

well, the good thing of it all was the learning. of course, one cannot simply deny learning from something. its a form of protective reflex [and like the ones we take up in pediatrics, this reflex is key to surviving life].

corny but true [ass as myself, i like ruining reflective moments].

traumatic but enlightening it all was, and really funny. i had hearty laughs.

it opened up a long lost piece of angst in me that day, to the question,"albert, what would you be doing 10 years from now?"
well, i said what i'd always tell anyone wanting to hear it: i have yet to find out. after the graduation, and probably my masters degree, then the unfortunate job abroad, there's the void. it brought open the annals of 'what couldve been had i not chosen pt over some creative writing degree'. and it backfired to my father the next day on the phone. it mustve hurt. i was sorry, of course, but i couldnt help but being honest.

anyway. anyway. anyway.
there is too much heart in here.

anyway, weeds, the show is terribly interesting. 'terribly' because it is getting me more and more into the mari juana inside business, run by a soccer mom in the show. she's pretty though. but it is good. caution to the very liable to be swayed. i am not liable to swaying towards selling drugs.

good night.