Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Hi.

It is, of course, not easy to get back to writing after such a long hiatus. But that is how it is with every activity that we used to love doing. The more time we spent on it pre-hiatus, the sillier it feels getting back to owning it again. Like riding a bike, or falling off of it and laughing at yourself even when no one is watching.

I've never mastered the art of riding a bike. The science of it is simple: keep your balance, and keep pedaling. Everytime I alit the contraption, the two step process keeps reeling, until take my lone foot off the ground. The same foot almost always breaks the fall.

Maybe I think too much, and do less. Maybe next time I should pedal right away.

There is a situation that recently befell me and I am left with such great, profound sadness. The sadness is important, and it is mandatory to the situation. The sadness is romantic, as I feel that is strips away the color off the walls of my sanity and turns them into nails that it then drives so deep into my heart. It haunts me in every shadow and shade I cross; with every deep sigh I take, it goes with it, boiling on my innards and singes the airways as it goes out with every silent breath; and as the day grows dark, it haunts me wide-awake.

The ghost is quick and cunning like a snake: when silence is abundant it would strike, and it coils so cruelly.

It had been raining –storming with clouds of gloom hurled at the direction of my dark, already chilled room. The ghost would ride atop the clouds, bypass my windowpane, and whisper sweetly into my ear words that turn to blasts of cold, dry air; and he would tug strongly at my blanket –I am then naked with only my will to shut out its mutterings by sleeping. And then it continues its song of cold, dark memories, keeping my mind at an unrest worthy only of the strong-willed to overcome.

The ghost of sadness is different from Death: it is remorseless, in that it keeps on hurting me without yet killing and the agony results to more sincere wishes for death that it may come soonest, to rid me of the unbearable visceral pain.