Sunday, January 19, 2014

An 'I am so so sorry' Letter.

Again in the tradition of all socially appropriate things, i am writing this little note to you to say sorry for being that bad influence. I have been bad and i mainly had no great intentions in wanting you to participate in what you and i have done. It was selfish of me and i hope you forgive me and i hope he forgets. Although i seriously doubt that he'll ever forget, and so i hope he is not plotting to kill me. I am not the most likable person, yes, but i am also not deserving of death for whatever reason. I didnt even finish, and you didnt as well, so i deserve some sort of leniency.

I have been missing you and i do want to finish. The both of us know the things i want to happen and youve made your terms known so i think we just need some more time and a lot of caution if we're willing to do what we have planned earlier when i was speaking to you.

It is not my business, but you do not deserve to be tracked and followed. I am hesitant to lecture you about the dynamics of relationships because i am not the best person to ask. Actually i am the worst. But you deserve his trust. Or at least you deserve your own peace of mind.

I want this setup to be clean: you stay with him, i stay on the side. I am being weird about this, right? I want nothing close to a commitment. I want something else, and if you do choose me to be the kind of guy to fill the gaps you need filled, i'd be happy. I dont want carnal things, what i want is what nobody else wants, because no one understands. Well, you hopefully would understand, youve tried me.

On some level i know you'd set me aside, and then eventually forget, and i might too. Life might happen, but at this moment i want things to be the way i want them to be, and please consider, because not all the time do i get the things i want.

This is the perfect time in our lives to make mistakes. 

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