Sunday, January 5, 2014

The 2014 that is to be more disastrous than the past 365 days.

In light of the new year, and to be in tune with the society’s addiction to lists and improving, I have come up with some things that I shall do for 2014. The deadline is December 31st, 2014 and the list isn’t exactly done yet and it might grow a few more bullets in the coming months but I aim to do everything and I do not want to pluck a few items off my list because hey that is what a new set of days is about: to become better, if not a different person altogether.

Now I am not one for long-winded intros and bless me for being wordy if you think I am, but I would like to say that some of these items aren’t really entirely new, but I feel that they need to be done for the coming year and so here I go wrecking my life and earning a little more stripes until I decide to completely turn into a saint and be boring for the rest of my life.

1.       Drink more. Drink more alcohol. And more regularly.

Because a growing boy needs his nightlife and what is a night’s living without the usual binging and crazy blacked-out dancing? To answer that rhetorical question, my alcohol free nights in the past year were totally boring and I was much more reserved and life hasn’t really opened up then and now is the time to waste more bodily fluids through throwing up, sweating and just generally alcohol ingestion. To a healthier alcohol tolerance, YES!

2.       Go out more. More regularly.

This is obviously related to the previous item. Yes to more nights spent outside, more people to meet, and to a certain extent block out the darkness that whispers. I want to spend the year in darkness outside, and not inside my head, brooding in my couch, in my underwear, smoking.

3.       Have more meaningless sex.

Well, my first no-nonsense post. Chill the fuck out. I’ll have sex when I have to, with any number of people I think would be optimal to my need. And for the record, I haven’t done anything beyond a threesome, so chill the fuck out.

4.       Stay single.

Not because of the other resolution, but because I want to fucking keep clear of emotions til I am mature enough to keep my own sanity straight sailing, voluntarily. So no relationships, yes to more sex. With awesome good people.

5.       Read more.

I have started reading again in 2013 since the firework of a break-up. Consider this reading thing my most selfish resolution and I will definitely spend more on books, and despite my recent discovery of Uniqlo and GAP stores, more trips to Fully Booked to stock up on Palahniuk and Sedaris, and more hopefully.

6.       Have friends.

In my head, I know why I am talking about this, and there is no way for anyone else to understand the shitstorm to come if I decide to describe my loneliness and my love of being alone. But hey no one reads this, so I do not worry.

7.       I have no opinion about dieting.

I really don’t. I am average, I eat what I want. Don’t calorie count within a 300 meter radius.

8.       Also working out.

Maybe when in the future when I think I may have to.

9.       Try saving. Money. For vacations.

Because my last vacation was financially traumatic and I totally didn’t come prepared. It was all just four days beachwalking, binge drinking when the night came, and waking up at noon, and eating a little before walking along the shores again and waiting for the sunset. Romantic, a little bit, but the real fun was at night. The vacation left me poor, in debt, and a lot dehydrated. But it was four nights of pure alcoholic pleasure and I danced for the first time in my life, and while the dancing did nothing to instill grace into my moves, being punch-drunk and not caring did make me feel normal and less of a wallflower.

10.   Maintain anonymity.

People freak me out. Anxiety attacks left and right. Don’t.

11.   Be lost. Somehow.

I would prefer geographically, but if the world wants another form of lost-ness then I am all for it. Just as long as I don’t get cold, I shall be alright.

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