Sunday, January 5, 2014

The usual loss of guidance.


And another general update.

So there was something last night. Beer and soju and a headache so bad I could have been bleeding from my forehead.

Prior, even before having my first sip, it occurred to me that the lives of these people around me, big and small, wouldn’t be the way they are that night, or for their whole lives, if I hadn’t been born. Or if maybe there are two of me, which could mean worse. Not saying that the states of lives the world over is dependent on me. Not on my life alone, but everyone’s. This is one of the things why I am an outsider, see.
To expound, if there’s a timeline with a predetermined number of people, and mapped out are their lives and eventual deaths, with all the lives interconnected. First theorem: each event that takes place is a trigger for the next, and there is a chain of events following every single event. Or a fanning out, like the mousetraps in Mouse Hunt. So starting from five separate events (geographically, for instance), each fan would start moving til midway they interconnect while on their own respective courses, and each interconnection would spark another trigger, starting a new fan. It all spreads and spreads until some die out, and some go on. Imagine soundwaves bouncing off one another, some blending to boom louder, while others get decimated to muter irrelevance til gone. Endlessly. Or maybe not.

In this model, I visualize how life is: an endless row of people. Touching each other.

And now that I have this in my head, I shall now put in effect my other theory: that it will be different if there is none of me: and if there is another one of me, the same annoying me.

Of course, if I were to be taken out, my spot would be blank. That’s the first thing. If there is a gap, a blank area, there would be nothing there to pass onto what ever the wave preceding is carrying, and therefore,  the triggers waiting for the pass might get a different pulse, maybe weaker. This notable weakness in a pulse would correspond to a weaker subsequent wave, and compared to IF I were there, there’d be a fade, and eventually, an event at a farther end wouldn’t be reached, and therefore I am important. This is a nice thing to think about when working behind a desk, occluded by a pile of papers: “You motherfuckers wouldn’t wish me gone. No one would”.

In the long run, every single life is important, and this is why I have a belief in equality of intrinsic qualities. All that integral cog shit the movies are talking about? YES I believe.

So what if there were two of me. The points would be standing beside one another, and being of the same frequency, because they’re both me, a cancelling out would occur, most probably, somewhere far along the line. In my head it is an interesting pattern, and if I had the time and industry to draw and scan, I would make illustrations for all of my blogs but this is the real world, and I am the only one benefitting from this writing, and I think inside my head is the most effective whiteboard.

Anyway, there. A cancelling out somewhere, and interestingly it might mean a disruption, which is nice. Or an early death of both my energies, which would be sad. To cast it wider, and hopefully farther, I must be doing something for myself, something beneficial. To myself. To the world, it might be havoc, but the two identical twins do not care, theyre out to conquer the world.

Anyway these two separate theories are set in a complex universe where magic is possible, and destinies are stuck in place. This beats time travel, in my opinion, because you pluck out one person out of the general timeline, and you get to observe what happens next. For example, take out Adolf Hitler, and what would happen: exciting isn’t it? Or put two Mother Teresas. Or make two of your best fuck buddy, and see how that would play out.

In the end, im all for the fun of it all. Goodnight.


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