I can never have so much solace. And my walls are never high enough, and I cannot keep people from peering. It’s not the judgment I am most afraid of; it’s the presence or people I cannot stand. Parties drive waves of anxiety through me. So on my next birthday, i want everybody to shut up about my birthday.
Also because I hate my own birthday.
Recently, I have been spending more time in my second home, Kalibo. It is more economical to just stay there, spend the time at home, in the small municipality of Kalibo, and watch the cows graze. I’m kidding, there are no cows, but there are not many cars, either. The more times I call Kalibo home, the closer I get to being less sick of it, and this is natural. Last month I spent a straight week in Kalibo, working. Then I got sick, so I went home to Manila. Then I went back to kalibo. I got sick again, but this time after two weeks. My housemates are the kind of people I can stand. It’s a community inside the dorm, and wherever there is a community there is politics, and politics means dealing with people, which I always try to avoid.
Then there are the people at work. For a very plain, obvious reason that might render me jobless, I won’t say anything more.
This is why I always have to have earphones.
And here we go about the earphones, my music –meaning, the kind of music I listen to, and the isolation.
About a month ago I got myself a pair of Marshall earphones. These are expensive earphones, and it kind of hurt buying them, and it was kind of an impulse purchase, and not even my best friend telling me I could get a pair as good with so much less money slowed me down. It was there, in front of me, in its recycled carton box, with all the multilingual glyphs, the drawings, and of course, the instant connection. I have never felt anything close to that feeling: love without lust. Should a man gamble? Always.
Again, expensive. It set me back 3,450php (around $78) but wow the music feels so much livelier, and the booms keeps me from dealing with people. Earphones have that ability: to keep people you hate from interacting with you without them knowing that. The pair I got is colored a beautiful virgin white, with gold accents, and a tangle-free fabric cord with a remote-control that can be used with the iPhone. What followed were days full of joy –listening to every track was like listening to them for the first time, and then I understood the thing people say about falling in love the second time. With this new barrier I can now separate more myself more efficiently from the living and enjoy my music at the same time. You might say it was for a price that I now have this capability, but my peace of mind is priceless. And with this most recent acquisition I am more at peace with myself, with more tolerance of everything that is happening, and this brings me more joy, more than anything else. Sorry I cannot help but rave about it.
The bass is explosive, and the layering of the beats I now recognize. My apple earbuds cannot do that, and I doubt the new earbuds by apple can compete with my Marshalls. The fabric cable wrapping is extremely gorgeous, although it means I cannot eat whilst listening to music, for fear of stain, but who does anyway?